Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
