i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
