Sponge bath it is.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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