Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
