she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
