its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
