There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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