I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
