My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
