Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
