my being single is dangerous.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
