dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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