he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love having hate sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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