Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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