I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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