I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
