Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
