there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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