my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
