The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
