hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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