Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
