were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
