Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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