Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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