I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
