maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
