Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
