you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
