Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
