no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
