Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
