he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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