I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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