It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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