Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
