What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
