Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
