U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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