She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
