does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
