Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
