I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
