i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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