i just google imaged poop.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
