you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
