I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
