I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
