i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
