Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
